That slut Barbie

After 43 years of going steady, Barbie has dumped Ken for an Aussie surfer called Blaine.

Numerous media outlets have wondered out loud whether Ken might be about to come out of the closet:

Of course, nothing would be more modern than for the truth to come out about the perfectly muscled, blonde-bouffant Ken. Rumours have circulated for years that GI Joe was really the partner of his dreams. Are those gay wedding bells we hear from the toy shop? Surely not. Mattel may want the media’s attention, but that would be taking things too far. [
Here's news for GI Joe: Barbie's Ken is single at last
, The Independent]

There’s heaps more. Just the headlines are enough:

Australian love rat blamed as toy world rocked by celebrity split (The Guardian)
Australian boogie boarder has his eyes on Ken’s doll (Taipai Times)
Ken: My Barbie agony (The Sun, taking the piss out of themselves in really fine form)

But the prize for most cynical attempt to cash in on the plastic tragedy (and you know it really belongs to Mattel, for peddling this tripe on Valentine’s day) goes to the manufacturers of Zestra™ for Women, for their press release blaming Barbie’s sexual dysfunction for the split:

“After so many years, some relationships can become a bit dry and often the fireworks are gone,” says sexual medicine researcher and pharmaceutical scientist Martin Crosby. “Zestra(TM) increases and restores sexual pleasure for most women that experience a broad range of sexual difficulties related to perimenopause”. The 43-year-old Barbie represents a common age for women to experience a loss of sexual pleasure and satisfaction.