La Cage aux Requins

shark tale poster

Thank the Lord for the American Family Association.

It turns out that the Dreamworks animated movie Shark Tale, which at first glance looks like a fun, family-friendly tale about accepting people’s differences, is in fact an evil attempt to brainwash normal, heterosexual American kids into – shock! – a life of homosexual depravity.

It is when Shark Tale turns its attention to Lenny that it veers toward an undercurrent of approval for homosexuality. While it is difficult to prove intent when a film does not explicitly make a character “gay,” the story and dialogue demonstrate an implicit approval of homosexuality.

Lenny the Shark has an effeminate voice, the AFA warns, and “fails to measure up to the cultural standards of manhood … For in sharkdom, masculinity is measured by one’s proficiency as a meat-eater.”

Speaking as someone whose proficiency as a meat-eater is known far and wide, I feel gratified that my masculinity has been endorsed by the AFA.

But it gets worse for Lenny. Not only is he a pansy and a “closet vegetarian”, but “He turns out to enjoy dressing as a dolphin, an obvious allusion to cross-dressing…”

Jesus wept!

Obviously taking your kids to a movie in which homosexuals (or animated homosexual sharks) are treated with anything less than utter disgust will lead them inevitably to an empty, lonely life of lisping, cross dressing, hot cock action, disco music and AIDS. Take them to see something violent instead.

(Something’s Swishy About Shark Tale, via Morons.org)

Just when I thought I’d escaped…

There are so many things wrong with this story in the Oz I don’t know where to begin:

Melbourne after gay city crown
By Fiona Hudson
November 29, 2004

LOOK out Sydney – Melbourne’s new deputy mayor-elect wants us to snatch the “gay capital” title.

Gary Singer – a lawyer who represented victims of the infamous Tasty nightclub raid – said yesterday luring pink dollars was among his priorities.

“We can be the gay capital,” he told the Herald Sun in his first interview. Openly homosexual, Mr Singer was elected to the Melbourne City Council in a landslide victory with mayor John So at the weekend.

Flanked by his mum and a friend, he said yesterday his election was a wonderful reflection of Melbourne’s tolerance and diversity.

“Flanked by his mum and a friend”? How very euphemistic, Mr Murdoch.

The Hun has followed this up today (Mayor plays down gay capital push) with a story which closes with this non sequitur:

Last year, [Premier of Victoria] Mr Bracks was voted one of the world’s sexiest men by [trashy gay] DNA magazine for being rugged, devastatingly handsome and powerful.

Can’t. Breathe. Must. Find. Ventolin.

Christmas gift suggestions

Sodom - a comedy

(Click image for larger version)

If you happen to have a spare $65K lying around, you could get me this rather fine piece of ye olde porne. Written in the mid-1670s, published in the 1720s and being auctioned by Sotheby’s on 16 December (just in time for Christmas), Sodom, or the Gentleman Instructed is claimed to be the world’s oldest printed work in the genre. Continue reading

Supple and soluble lozenges for actual individuals

Best. Spam. Ever.

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Date: Tuesday, 16 November 2004 19.29
To: Rosemary Ftlynb <email.address.removed>
Subject: Supple and soluble lozenges for actual individuals

These pills are just equal typical tablets but they
are specially formulated to be pampered and dissolvable
below the tongue. The tablets is absorbed at the oral fissure
and enters the blood straightaway rather of moving
through with the tummytum. This effects in a speedy much more
strong issue which run up to 28 hours!

Purchase it <url.removed.to/protect.the.gullible>

Where was I?

Ten days without a word from you humble scribe. You’re probably on the edge of your seat wondering what exotic japes I’ve been up to in the meantime.

Er …

I finished an issue of Positive Living, the bimonthly newsmagazine of which I am editrix, which is always a busy/stressful time in the life/work balance area. And, even if I do say so myself, it’s a cracker! — I couldn’t put it down!

Of course, as Editor, I’m not supposed to put it down, but there’s nothing wrong with a little boosterism in a good cause. Anyway, it’s on the streets of your state capital city right about now, and will be on the NAPWA website in a few days.

No sooner had I put that little baby to bed than I was off to sin city itself, glamorous, fun-loving Sydney, for four days of meetings. Brent came too for the last two days (he is a director of the organsation I work for). I had hoped to find some time for fun while we were there, but that never happened. We were either stuck in meetings (good, important, worthwhile, but, you know, dull meetings) or we were too buggered afterwards to do anything more than lie on our hotel bed and watch Australian Idol.

I did manage to sneak away to Wollongong and see my old mum for a few hours. As always, that experience was borderline heartwarming/excruciating, peppered with stories like “You remember Alison, her brother was three years ahead of you in high school. She married Robert. Rob. Spud. Remember? No? She lived out in Brogo. No? Anyway, her mother died.”

It sometimes feels like Mum is in a time warp, trapped in Bega in the 1970s, never to escape. I did.

Mum says she wants to get a computer and learn to use the internet. This seems a good idea to me, but not without its flaws. My mother is a very intelligent woman, and despite being just a shade under 80, she’s as bright as a tack, but she hasn’t had a lot of what you might call “book learnin’”. So the learning curve is very very steep.

But she has extremely severe and crippling rheumatoid arthritis, which severely limits her mobility, so I’m sure she could make use of a wider variety of connections to the world. All her children communicate with each other via email, and increasingly so do her grandchildren, for whom email will always be the primary mode of communication. She could use the internet to communicate with the family, she could definitely use the Coles Homeshop service, she’d probably find all kinds of useful devotional information and I’m sure before long she’d discover eBay and fill her house with beanie babies to a height of several feet.

Nothing could be finer than to marry in Regina

Saskatchewan has become the seventh Canadian jurisdiction to legalise gay marriage. Canadians can now get married, regardless of sexual orientation, in Ontario, British Columbia, Québec, Manitoba, Nova Scotia, the Yukon territory and Saskatchewan.

The decision also puts pressure on Alberta, New Brunswick, Nunavut, Prince Edward Island, the Northwest Territories, and Newfoundland and Labrador, advocates say, because their governments are ignoring the findings of several courts in other provinces that have declared gay-marriage prohibitions unconstitutional.

The battle over gay marriage in Canada has come down to a fairly obscure argument about whether the federal or provincial governments have responsibility for marriage under the British North America Act (Canada’s constitution). No-one is arguing any more that queers can’t marry in any jurisdiction; they are arguing over whose responsibility it is to make the administrative decision to put that into effect.

The Canadian Supreme Court in Ottawa recently started hearing a case which will determine this rather arcane question, however the federal government is on record that it will no longer waste taxpayer’s money to fight pointless legal battles on this matter.

My life with Noni

Noni

Oh, bugger. I’ve just realised I have had a life-long relationship with Noni Hazlehurst.

It’s one of those things that occasionally happens as you creep, helplessly, inexorably, towards middle age: sitting in front of the television, watching Better Homes and Gardens, and I think to myself, why am I watching this middle class claptrap?

In a blinding flash, I realise: I’ve spent my entire life with Noni Hazlehurst. Continue reading

Arafat dead?

Many conflicting reports this morning about Yasser Arafat. Some say he’s dead, doctors at his hospital “categorically deny” that he is, others say he’s “brain dead”. Whichever is correct, is apparent that his death could well be officially announced soon.

Losing Arafat will be a tragedy for the Palestinians and not helpful for Israel-Palestine relations. As much as the Israelis hate Arafat, without him the “peace process” will not progress.

If he has died or is dying, he will be mourned. A great leader.

Now we’re all fucked

The whole planet’s gone to the dogs. In a weird and deeply flawed way, the Bush victory is comforting to me, because it means my country isn’t the only one that’s lost it’s soul. But that’s a very small comfort indeed.

Four more years of lies, war, greed and triumphalism. Four more years spreading fear, hatred and division. Four more years chipping away at the civil, political and legal systems. Four more years of terror.

Owen Harries summed up the meaning of this on last night’s PM:

I mean, it’s a close thing, and I think one should remember that what this election shows, I think more than anything, is that America is a deeply and bitterly divided country.

Who knows where we’ll all be in four years’ time, but I doubt it’ll be a better place.

Meantime, let’s maintain the rage. Fight the right. Unite, resist, and work for change.

Aux armes citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons!
Marchons, marchons
Qu’un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons

Happy thought of the day: I didn’t really care for John Kerry anyway.

Sheesh! Can’t you freaking yankees get anything right?

I’ve just been listening to analysis of the US election on PM, the SBS and ABC News, and the 7:30 Report. The pundits here in Oz are all calling it a “Bush victory” and John Edwards’ optimistic comments (“We’ve waited four years for this victory – we can wait one more night”) are looking increasingly, depressingly, tragically, desperate.

“Victory” is a commodity in very scarce supply tonight.
Continue reading

The good news is…

… that Nader isn’t even on the ballot in Ohio.

Currently the electoral college split is 249:211. To win from here, Bush needs either Nevada or New Mexico (or both) plus Ohio. Kerry needs Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Hawaii … plus Ohio.

It’s desperately important to stress that, at this stage, both scenarios are still possible. Kerry is gaining on Bush in Ohio, and has passed Bush in Nevada, but he still has a long way to go.

Land of the free

Just had a look at the latest from the US Presidential election. By my reckoning Bush has won Florida, and looks safe in Colorado and New Mexico. Ohio is the only remaining big state in doubt, and it’s clearly more likely for Bush than Kerry. Still too close to call but not looking good.

Meanwhile, the good people of Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, Oklahoma, Ohio, Utah and Montana have voted to ban gay marriage. An 11th state – Oregon – is still to come, but that’s not looking good either.

KERRY WITHIN STRIKING DISTANCE!!!!!!

tooclosetocall.png

OK, maybe a little early yet, but the race is on. I hope all my US readers did the right thing. I sure hope y’all remembered to vote at least.

Now: I plan to keep an eye on the results as they come in through the day. Any suggestions of the website which is likely to give me the least biased, most up-to-date coverage? (The image above is from CNN, which I trust like a real estate agent).

Move yer bloomin’ arse!

Melbourne Cup

The second Tuesday in November.

The hopes and dreams of millions rest on an time-honoured contest which brings together the greatest, the strongest, the best, competing for the ultimate prize before the unblinking eyes of a fascinated world.

Yes, it’s Melbourne Cup day.

Apparently there’s another clash of titans taking place on the other side of the Pacific today. I’m less than optimistic about the outcome of that race, so I suppose we’re lucky to have a horse race to distract us from the serious business of determining who will lead the free world for the next four years.

For reasons I don’t quite understand, the Melbourne Cup (it’s a horse race for those who haven’t caught on yet) generates a lot of excitement in Australia. It’s always been like this: I remember when I was a kid the nuns would stop classes to allow everyone to listen to the race on the wireless (TV hadn’t been invented yet). We’re talking about ten-year-old children here, listening in rapt attention to a horse race taking place hundreds of miles away, under the watchful, encouraging eye of the brides of Christ. I think the nuns were excused their vows of charity on that day so they could have a bet.

They call it “the race that stops a nation”. And it does: shops, schools, offices all cease their normal business to watch a bunch of horses go around in circles. And of course a lot of money gets wagered on the outcome. My mum called last night and suggested I have a flutter on “A Grey Thong”. After some research it appears there’s no horse running by that name; I think she must mean Grey Song. In honour of the US Elections I might have a dollar each way on Upsetthym as well…

Cup Day is a public holiday in Melbourne. I won’t be trekking out to Flemington to join the has-beens and wannabes in their orgy of consumption; I’ve got too much work to do. But in the spirit of the event, we’ll be running the inaugural buggery.org Melbourne Cup Sweepstakes right here on the site. Continue reading

Alan Bennett “comes out fighting”

English writer, actor, playwright Alan Bennett has “come out fighting” or is that “come out, fighting” after an anti-gay bashing according to this article in The Independent.

A violent attack on Alan Bennett, which left him covered in blood and fearing for his life, has prompted the playwright and author to give his first frank account of his sexuality.

Well, yeah, but read a bit further down and it appears the violent attack which propelled 70-year-old Bennett to burst forth yelping “I am what I am” happened in 1992, which, by my reckoning, was 12 long years ago. I might have cared then, but I don’t now.

The episode changed his outlook completely, he says: “To be attacked, beaten up or otherwise abused, and to find the police response one of indifference, is the not infrequent experience of homosexuals, and blacks too … It has been another untold story, though it is better that it should be told. The police protect the respectable, of which I have always been one.”

Finally England has a new Quentin Crisp.

Update: Brent

Brent’s fine. Still not quite 100% but well and truly on the road to recovery.

It’s been incredible to have so many people – most of whom we’ve never met – enquire after my man’s well-being after I mentioned his recent adventures in the emergency department. Brent’s a tough little bugger – has to be to be married to me – and, as I mentioned before, the docs have ruled out anything serious.

I’ll be glad when he goes back to work. The last couple of days, when he’s been feeling increasingly better, have been tougher than the period before. He’s annoying when he’s sick, but he’s a total pain in the arse when he’s bored.

Democracy™

As the world’s largest democracy (snigger) enters a period of furious and blatant voter fraud only occasionally interrupted by the nuisance of an actual election, there’s an article in Slate about Australia’s compulsory voting system.

There are a few errors in this piece but mostly its an interesting article looking at one of the curiosities of Participatory Democracy, Oz Style from the viewpoint of the US, which likes to pretend it has a clue about how to run an election. I’ve had my own attempt at explaining how we do things here.

All the signs at this point are suggesting that the American election will be even more sordid, poorly run, and open to abuse than the last, rather embarrassing effort. Tim Dunlop links to a piece in the Washington Post which lists numerous examples of (a) outrageous attempts to subvert the democratic system; or (b) the gullibility of Americans, depending on your point of view.

Take this one, for example:

[I]n Allegheny County [Pennsylvania], election officials received a flurry of phone calls about fliers handed out at a Pittsburgh area mall and mailed to an unknown number of homes. The flier, distributed on bogus but official-looking stationery with a county letterhead, told voters that “due to immense voter turnout expected on Tuesday,” the election had been extended. Republicans should vote Tuesday, Nov. 2, it said — and Democrats on Wednesday.

The similarities to this story in The Onion are obvious:

MIAMI, FL—With the knowledge that the minority vote will be crucial in the upcoming presidential election, Republican Party officials are urging blacks, Hispanics, and other minorities to make their presence felt at the polls on Wednesday, Nov. 3.

“Minority voters should make their unique voices heard, especially the African-American voting bloc, which is always a major factor in every election,” said Florida Republican Party voter-drive organizer Mark Monreal, as he handed out flyers at a community center in the mostly black Miami neighborhood of South Farms. “That’s why we put up hundreds of brightly colored banners featuring Martin Luther King Jr. and the ‘Vote November 3′ reminder. We needed to make sure they know when we want them at polling places.”

So now we know where the Republicans get their dirty tricks from.

(Via The Road to Surfdom)