Tiny penguins!

Yesterday we made the trek from Melbourne to Phillip Island to take in one of Australia’s more peculiar tourist attractions — the Penguin Parade. About two hours south-east of the city, Phillip Island is a small speck of land in Western Port Bay which is home to a large colony of Little Penguins (a.k.a. Fairy Penguins, Eudyptula minor to the taxonomists). For the best part of a century tourists have been travelling to the island to see them return to land after fishing in the southern ocean and Port Phillip Bay.

The humans gather in a fenced enclosure on the beach just before dusk, while the penguins wait a few hundred metres offshore. When the sun sets, the penguins make their way, in groups of a dozen or so at a time, to the shore, where they gather, tumble in the gentle surf (they are tiny – just 13 inches high) and then, once they’ve summoned the courage, they waddle up the beach as fast as their little flippers will carry them, back to the sand dunes where they make their nests.

Tiny penguins! Hundreds of tiny penguins!

Fairy penguins

The tourists ‘oo’ and ‘ah’ as the tiny bodies whizz past them. They titter and coo like young mothers. The words ‘cute’ and ‘adorable’ spill from even the most jaded lips. Occasionally, one of the wee birdies loses his nerve halfway up the beach, turns and flip-flops his way back to the safety of the water. The humans go ‘aw’ and murmur encouragement to the little blue-and-white fellow: ‘you can do it’.

No man can serve two masters

“You cannot serve both God and mammon,” according to my primary school Catholic indoctrination, yet the man who has been “appointed” to head the still un-legislated-for Fair Pay Commission says he will be taking his instructions directly from the Industrial Relations Commissioner in the Sky:

GOD will guide the man charged with setting the minimum wage.

The head of the proposed new Fair Pay Commission, Ian Harper, revealed yesterday that he wants to use the post to do “God’s will” and will rely on his faith and values to make fair and balanced decisions for low-paid workers. [The Age]

If the Fair Pay Commission wants to be fair dinkum about its role (both statutory and theological), it would be setting a maximum wage as well as a minimum – after all, the tax-dodging spivs and multi-squillionaires at the top end of the scale are doing their share of holding Australia back, too. Seeing as how it’s harder for a rich man to get into heaven than it is to drive a camel through the eye of a needle, the pious Ian Harper might like to lead the way by refusing to take a penny more than the minimum wage he is setting for millions of others.

The worst form of torture

Is there some natural law that says the more cheesy, annoying and puerile a song is, the more likely it is to get stuck in your head after one chance listening? Yes, there is, as it turns out.

After watching the 50th anniversary retrospective of the Eurovision Song Contest on Sunday night, for the last several days I’ve been trying to dislodge the execrable Makin’ your mind up, winner of the 1981 ESC by British bubblegum foursome Bucks Fizz. Truly one of the most revolting pieces of processed cheese ever to be composed in the name Euterpe (and a Eurovision classic), the lyrics are utterly nauseating:

You gotta speed it up, and then you gotta slow it down

Coz if you believe that our love can hit the top

You gotta play around

But soon you will find that there comes a time

For making your mind up

This, believe it or not, comes from the country that gave us Shakespeare, Byron and Shelley. Admittedly, 1981 was not a year of high art anywhere, but I don’t see why I should be so tortured 15 years later.

Then, last night, thanks to the ABC’s marvellous Spicks and Specks, something has finally elbowed Makin’ your mind up out of my brain. I guess I should be thankful, but I could do without waking up with this going through my head:

Oo, ee, oo ah ah,

Ting tang, Wala wala bing bang,

Oo ee, oo ah ah,

Ting tang, Walawala bang bang

Somebody kill me please.

(The song, for those who asked, is called Witch Doctor, by David Seville, released in 1958. The question on the show was “two points if you can sing the next line from this song: oo, ee, oo ah ah (etc)”.)

Muzik

We may be about a billion years behind every other country in the world, but as of yesterday Australia has an iTunes music store. Wacky-do! Now I can buy craptacular legal (ish*) DRM-nobbled music direct from the reseller.

* I say “ish” because as I understand it Australia’s gloriously byzantine copyright laws still make it technically a crime to copy music you already own onto an iPod you also own. Presumably the wallopers have better things to do than enforce this ludicrous law, as I see hundreds of white-earbud-wearing crims every day on the tram.

Is the tide turning?

From the ABC News website today:

(Coming soon: PM suspends constitution; cites pressing need to combat terrorism)

I should also mention the speech by J.M. Coetzee, the South African author who won the 2003 Novel Prize for literature, the other day. Speaking at a reading of his new book, Waiting for the Barbarians, in Sydney:

Coetzee said the South African police “could do what they wanted because there was no real recourse against them because special provisions of the legislation indemnified them in advance”.

He went on to tell the packed auditorium: “If somebody telephoned a reporter and said, ‘Tell the world — some men came last night, took my husband, my son, my father away, I don’t know who they were, they didn’t give names, they had guns’, the next thing that happened would be that you and the reporter in question would be brought into custody for furthering the aims of the proscribed organisation endangering the security of the state.”

The 2003 Nobel laureate ended his introduction with: “All of this, and much more during apartheid in South Africa, was done in the name of the fight against terror.”

While Coetzee did not specifically refer to the Howard Government, there was no question his pointed speech was directed at anti-terror laws due to be introduced into federal and state parliaments next month. [The Australian]

links for 2005-10-22

Recognition at last

A wee snippet from the (draft) Anti-Terrorism Bill 2005, as leaked by the ACT Chief Minister, s.105.32 (2):

anti-terror bill

After years of steadfastly refusing to recognise the existence of same-sex couples, it looks like the government is finally getting with the program. Admittedly, you need to be a terrorism suspect (detained, without trial, or charge, or access to legal process) for this to apply to you, but at last your same-sex partner is officially recognised – as a family member no less!

(Via Imagining Australia, via The Road to Surfdom)

A dose of his own medicine?

Did you watch Four Corners last night? It was on childhood obesity and made much use of the Health Minister who was his usual charming self.

About halfway through the program I found myself thinking something’s not right about his face. He frowns, he winces, he expresses the full range of politicians’ emotions, but that huge expanse of forehead never budges. Has Tony Abbott had Botox?

Mardi Gras in trouble again

Sydney’s iconic Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras is in financial difficulties again. Apparently only 6500 people went to last weekend’s Sleaze Ball, less than the 10,000 the organisers were hoping for. New Mardi Gras is confident that Sleaze Ball will make a “small profit” (the ticket sales must have been close to a million bucks, God knows what they spend it on) but the main event is apparently threatened.

I was one of those who argued last time that we should let the old girl die gracefully, so I won’t say much (and I certainly won’t wish her dead just now) but I have to question the business model. The whole purpose of Mardi Gras is to put on a street parade. This requires planning, logistics and money. To raise money, NMG puts on two mega-parties a year — just the sort of parties most queers of my acquaintance used to love and now avoid. It’s a model that worked in the 1980s, failed spectacularly in the 1990s, and now is being totally relied upon again in the 2000s. There must be other ways of stumping up the cash than a total, year-on-year reliance on ten thousand people paying $140 apiece to spend the night in a drug-and-drag-addled rave which is twenty years past its use-by date.

Mardi Gras used to pride itself on being a hotbed of art, culture and experimentation. Things started going downhill when it became a business. And shoehorning the word “community” in front of “business” hasn’t made any difference.

If Mardi Gras wants to survive (and I want it to survive, dammit) it needs to get small again. Bring back the artists, the performers, those who can channel the spirits of Peter Tully and David McDiardmid and Brenton Heath-Kerr (they’re out there; just go to Bad Dog) and kick the suits out of the place.

Even I might even come back then.

Another day, another disaster

Is it just me, or do natural disasters seem to be occurring rather more often these days?

I don’t want to read more into this than is scientifically justifiable (last year’s tsunami and this week’s Kashmiri earthquake seem to be true “acts of God” which are random and unattributable to human forces) but I worry about the increasing signs that our species’ habits are making our planet a more chaotic and dangerous place to be.

The current season of hurricanes and storms which have struck central and north America, and the ongoing, terrible African famine are foremost in my mind.

These dreadful, terrible occurrences seem strongly linked to climate change. Yet we’re still going about our business as if it doesn’t matter how much oil we burn, how many forests we destroy, how profoundly we alter the delicate balance of the planet – the “consequences” of climate change, after all, are something that will happen in the future, right?

Isn’t it just possible we’re seeing them now?

(On “acts of God”: there is, of course a link between human activity and the devastation these events create. Overpopulation – something we seem to have given up trying to deal with – increases the impact of even the most random natural disasters. The Kashmiri earthquake would not have killed nearly so many people had it occurred 100, 50 or even 20 years ago.)

Meanwhile: Bird flu has spread to Europe. Just in time for the northern flu season.

Nobly winning the nobel

helicobacter.jpg

Two Australian scientists have won the Nobel Prize for Medicine for their discovery of Helicobacter pylori, the bacterium which causes most gastric ulcers.

H. pylori is one of the plushy giant microbes I have in my office, and with his long yellow hair he’s always been a favourite. Today he’s in pride of place by my monitor.

Awww…

The research methods used by the pair included experimenting on themselves, something there’s tragically too little of among today’s research scientists:

Lord May of Oxford, president of Britain’s Royal Society of leading scientists, said Dr Marshall’s “extraordinary act” of becoming his own guinea pig showed outstanding dedication.

With some scientists calling their findings “preposterous”, Dr Marshall drank a broth of bacteria to show that the presence of H pylori in people with ulcers was no coincidence.

“I planned to give myself an ulcer, then treat myself, to prove that H pylori can be a pathogen in normal people,” he told a scientific review.

“I thought about it for a few weeks, then decided to just do it. Luckily, I only developed a temporary infection.”

Suffering stomach pain, nausea and vomiting, he underwent an endoscopy which showed the distinctive spiral-shaped E pylori crowding around the inflammation in his stomach. His wife urged him to think of his children and get treatment – which he did.

The new century

War, famine, pestilence … I’m finding it hard to keep my chin up and keep from getting depressed by the less-than-wonderful world I find myself living in. Wasn’t the 21st century supposed to be all hovercars and robot maids?

Seriously, between the bird flu pandemic, terrorism, official terrorism, hurricanes, global warming, mayhem, social collapse, AIDS, famine, poverty and christ-knows-what-else, sometimes it feels like there’s little hope at all. That’s where I am right now.

I feel like I’m living through a terrible, endless, barely-defined war. Every day I think of George Orwell. Every fucking day.

The worst kind of news

I was watching The Sound of Music on TV last night when the news flash crawled across the bottom of my screen. Several bombs have been detonated in tourist areas of Bali; this morning there are 24 confirmed dead, many dozens injured. The toll is likely to be dominated with Australians, just like the first Bali bombings three years ago.

It’s just heart-rending to think of the suffering this will cause. To the victims, to the people of Bali, to those of us at home for whom this will be used to justify god-knows-what new government powers in the name of beating terrorists.

As you’d expect, the Indonesian terror group Jemaah Islamiah has been blamed. Makes Gareth Evans look a bit of a dill.