Governments around the world – including Australia’s – are implementing new border protection measures to protect their populations from swine flu.

Here’s my simple recommendation for Australia:

1. Immediately ban all incoming travellers who arrive by air, no matter who they are or where they come from. Planes are notorious incubators of viral respiratory illnesses.

2. The only legal method for entering Australia will thus be by sea, with arrivals in leaky Indonesian fishing boats earning extra points for effort. (Those coming by faster boats will henceforth be referred to as “queue jumpers”.)

3. Obviously, the long sea journey will ensure any arrivals who make it into Australian waters are H1N1 free.

4. Problem solved!