What we can be sure about, however, is the condemnation of homosexuality in Leviticus 18:22:

ואת זכר לא תשׁכב משׁכבי אשׁה תועבה הוא

Well, there it is in black and white, kids: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is abomination."

An abomination! My sainted aunt!

There’s a heck of a lot of discussion and argument about this passage: for a start the word "abomination" is a bit rubbery; the original text reads more like "ritually unclean" to less-fervent scholars. The idea that homosexuality is unclean is hardly remarkable (presumably the ancient Hebrews had not discovered the douche).

But things take a turn for the worse in Leviticus 20:13:

ואישׁ אשׁר ישׁכב את זכר משׁכבי אשׁה תועבה עשׂו שׁניהם מות יומתו דמיהם בם

"If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them."

Oh man! Put to death? That’s a bit severe isn’t it? Not really, not by the standards of the time, which also insist on the death penalty for anyone wicked enough to gather sticks on the sabbath (Numbers 15:32-36). All you weekend stick-gatherers better watch out!

The book of Leviticus is known to Jewish readers as "The Law of the Priests," and if you’ve had as much to do with priests as I have, you’re probably thinking the same as me: don’t trust the priests.

At the beginning of chapter 18, we once again find a distinct flavour of xenophobia in the word of God:

The LORD said to Moses, "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: `I am the LORD your God. You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices.

OK, so the Egyptians are unclean and the Canaanites are wicked. Asian men all have small dicks and Americans are rude. The English never bathe, the Germans have no sense of humour and Israelis are murderous fascist zealots. I am the EVIL LORD ZORGON your God, yada yada yada.

Divide and conquer. Whether it’s homosexuals, Egyptians, Canaanites, communists, terrorists, Muslims or Christians, we’ve got to have an evil empire to battle. La plus ça change…

The book of Leviticus, then, is all about defining Israelites as good and everyone else (especially the Canaanites!) as wicked. As well as the prohibition on lying with mankind as with womankind, Leviticus also decrees:

• detailed instructions about how to perform ritualistic animal and human sacrifices to God (Chapters 1 to 9). Remember that the blood, guts and fat of animals belongs to God, not you. Wringing off the heads of pigeons gets a positive mention, and there are several detailed descriptions of Moses dismembering and disembowelling various animals and spreading their blood and guts around the place.
• it’s an abomination to eat clams, oysters, lobsters or crabs, no matter how deliciously they are prepared (11:10-12).
• bats are birds (11:13, 19).
• there are four-legged birds (and guess what, they’re an abomination!) (11:20).
• insects have four legs (11:21, 23).
• women who give birth are both dirty and sinful, especially if they give birth to girls (12:1-8).
• having a wet dream makes you, your bed, your clothes and your wife unclean (15:16-17).
• menstruating women are filthy and sinful; so is anyone who goes near them or touches them (15:19-30); in fact, don’t even look at a menstruating woman (18:19).
• it’s forbidden to eat meat which contains blood, because the blood belongs to God. This is the section of the bible that Jehovah’s Witnesses in need of a blood transfusion die for (17:10-14).
• leave some food out for the poor (19:10); don’t steal or lie (19:11) and don’t rip off your neighbour (19:13). At last some good news!
• don’t gossip (19:16) and don’t hate people (19:17) (emphasis provided for the benefit of Christian extremists).
• "Love thy neighbour as thyself." But kill wizards (20:6), disrespectful children (20:9), adulterers (20:10), homosexuals (20:13) and anyone who gives his seed to Moloch (20:2). While we’re about it, kill your neighbours first chance you get (Numbers 31).
• it’s OK to have sex with your slave girl, as long as she gets whipped afterwards (19:20).
• it’s not OK to "round the corners of your head nor mar the corners of your beard" (whatever that means) (19:27).
• tattoos are definitely not OK. (19:28).
• if you have a raunchy three-way with your wife and your mother-in-law, all three of you should be put to death (20:14).
• handicapped people, people with flat noses and men with damaged testicles must not go to church (21:16-23).
• the unchaste daughters of priests must be burned to death (21:9).
• slavery is OK (22:11); in fact, make your neighbours into slaves (25:44) if you haven’t already killed them.

There’s a good discussion of Leviticus on religioustolerance.org and also at christianlesbians.com. I couldn’t have prepared the list of prohibitions above without the help of The Skeptic’s Annotated Bible.

[ to be continued ]