1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.

2. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes.

3. Know when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.

4. Always leave room in your schedule for a solid nap, and when you’re done, stretch thoroughly.

5. Always give people a friendly greeting: a cold nose in the crotch is especially effective.

6. When you do something wrong, take responsibility (as soon as you’re dragged shamefully out from under the bed).

7. If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.

8. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride, and allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

9. When the people you love come home, greet them enthusiastically.

10. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

11. If what you want lies buried…dig until you find it.

12. Be loyal.

13. Walk, run, romp and play daily.

14. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

15. If you’re happy, dance around, wag your entire body, let the world know you’re happy.

16. Be obedient, when it’s in your interest to be.

17. Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

18. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

(Words collected off the internet, 2003.)