Things you can learn from dogs

1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.

Barrington Tops, April 2003

2. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes.

3. Know when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.


4. Always leave room in your schedule for a solid nap, and when you’re done, stretch thoroughly.

Believe it or not, this dog is sound asleep. Summer 2003

5. Always give people a friendly greeting: a cold nose in the crotch is especially effective.

6. When you do something wrong, take responsibility (as soon as you’re dragged shamefully out from under the bed).

7. If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.

At home, 2000

8. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride, and allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

9. When the people you love come home, greet them enthusiastically.

10. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

11. If what you want lies buried…dig until you find it.

At the beach, January 2003

12. Be loyal.

13. Walk, run, romp and play daily.

14. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

At home, 2003

15. If you’re happy, dance around, wag your entire body, let the world know you’re happy.

16. Be obedient, when it’s in your interest to be.

17. Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

Guard dog

18. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

Jasper and Ursula, 2002

(Words collected off the internet, 2003.)