I love this guy … why?

Just a few reasons why I love Brent Allan, scribbled down during a brief separation in the early months of our life together, and still true today.

Yamba, 1998


  • I love his handsome face … I could stare into him for ever
  • I love him for his faith in me and us
  • I love his slender, pale, strong, sexy body
  • I love his grace and expertise
  • I love his smooth skin
  • I love that hurricane map on his chest
  • I love his arms, wrapped around me, powerfully encircling me, holding me to him, or lying across my shoulders
  • I love his hands, exploring my back or stroking my hair and always there for me to touch, to hold … holding his hand is like cradling his soul in my arms
  • I love his lips, sweetly caressing mine or exploring my body … I love the taste of his mouth on mine, "goodnight" and "good morning" and all the midnight kisses in-between
  • I love his smile: the greatest, clearest, most emphatic confirmation that what we are doing is “right” is when I see that sexy, boyish, love-drenched smile spread across his face like a ripple on a pond … I wish — can I have just one wish? — I wish to see that smile every day of my life, forever
  • I love his extraordinary mind, his wisdom and imagination, his head full of ideas
  • I love him because he listens to me, and hears what I have to say: so few do
  • I love him for reading to me in bed
  • I love his spirit — the first thing I saw in him, after his physical beauty, was this intense generosity of spirit, this readiness to give himself to things he believes in, not to rule the world but to change it for the better
  • I love his irrepressible sexuality, so joyously on display … I’m not the only one who notices that sexy body, those playful eyes, that bad-boy energy that radiates from him …
  • I love watching him work the dance floor (and the back room) and I am overjoyed to have such a man for my playmate
  • I love him for the Den, and Club 80, and behind the black curtains … for sharing the back rooms and bad-boy rooms of our world so welcomingly and lovingly
  • I love him for always in these moments remembering me, and finding me before too long, and caring that I am alright
  • I love him for remembering that we are a team, and, at the end of the carnival, taking me home and loving me so well
  • I love him for fucking me, and for inviting me to fuck him
  • I love his adventurousness, his openness to untried experience, his trust in me as his guide, and his guidance
  • I love him for knowing that sex is sex, fun is fun and love is love … and for understanding that all three can sometimes be united in a whole that is greater by far that the sum of its parts
  • I love him because he asked me to move in with him, and just laughed when others accused us of being ‘lesbians’ for getting shacked up so soon
  • I love him for being my friend
  • I love him for showing me off
  • I love him for writing e-mail love letters that took my breath away
  • I love him for seeing me the way he sees me
  • I love him for believing in us and having the courage to defeat fear and make this real
  • and, finally, more than any of the foregoing, I love him for the future we share. I look forward to being with this man for years to come, to waking up with him on thousands of mornings and falling asleep with him on thousands of nights. He is my lover, always and forever.